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After a long night of making love,
the guy notices a photo of another man, on the woman's nightstand by the bed.
He begins to worry.
'Is this your husband?'
he nervously asks.
'No, silly,'
she replies, snuggling up to him.
'Your boyfriend, then?'
he continues.
'No, not at all,'
she says, nibbling away at his ear.
'Is it your dad or your brother?'
he inquires, hoping to be reassured.
'No, no, no! You are so hot when you're jealous!' she answers.
'Well, who in the hell is he, then?'
he demands.
She whispers in his ear...



'That's me before the surgery.'

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Irish Humour
(Some of these are quite funny - and none are in any way offensive to the highly-valued Irish members and viewers of this site!)

A married Irishman went into the confessional and said to his priest, 'I almost had an affair with another woman.'
The priest said, 'What do you mean, almost?'
The Irishman said, 'Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped.'
The priest said, 'Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You're not to see that woman again. For your penance, say five Hail Mary's and put £50 in the poor box.'
The Irishman left the confessional, said his prayers, and then walked over to the poor box.
He paused for a moment and then started to leave.
The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him saying, 'I saw that. You didn't put any money in the poor box!'
The Irishman replied, 'Yeah, but I rubbed the £50 on the box, and according to you, that's the same as putting it in!'


There once was a religious young woman who went to Confession. Upon entering the confessional, she said, 'Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.'
The priest said, 'Confess your sins and be forgiven.'
The young woman said, 'Last night my boyfriend made passionate love to me seven times.'
The priest thought long and hard and then said, 'Squeeze seven bitter lemons into a glass and then drink the juice.'
The young woman asked, 'Will this cleanse me of my sins?'
The priest said, 'No, but it will wipe that smile off of your face.'

Father O'Malley answers the phone. 'Hello, is this Father O'Malley?'
'It is!'
'This is the IRS. Can you help us?'
'I can!'
'Do you know a Ted Houlihan?'
'I do!'
'Is he a member of your congregation?'
'He is!'
'Did he donate £10,000 to the church?'
'He will.'

An elderly man walks into a confessional. The following conversation ensues:
Man: 'I am 92 years old, have a wonderful wife of 70 years, many children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren. Yesterday, I picked up two college girls, hitch-hiking. We went to a motel, where I had sex with each of them three times.'
Priest: 'Are you sorry for your sins?'
Man: 'What sins?'
Priest: 'What kind of a Catholic are you?'
Man: 'I'm Jewish.'

Priest: 'Why are you telling me all this?'
Man: 'I'm 92 years old ..... I'm telling everybody!'

A woman was having a passionate affair with an Irish inspector from a pest-control company... One afternoon they were carrying on in the bedroom together when her husband arrived home unexpectedly.
'Quick,' said the woman to the lover, 'into the closet!' and she pushed him in the closet, stark naked.
The husband, however, became suspicious and after a search of the bedroom discovered the man in the closet..
'Who are you?' he asked him..
'I'm an inspector from Bugs-B-Gone,' said the exterminator.
'What are you doing in there?' the husband asked..
'I'm investigating a complaint about an infestation of moths,' the man replied.
'And where are your clothes?' asked the husband.
The man looked down at himself and said, 'Those little bastards!'..

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Irish Pub Joke

Sitting in a bar, a Scotsman says, "As good as this pub is, I still prefer the pubs back home. In Glasgow, there's a wee place called McTavish's. The landlord goes out of his way for the locals. When you buy four drinks, he'll buy the fifth drink."

"Well, Angus," said an Englishman, "At my local in London , the Red Lion, the barman will buy you your third drink after you buy the first two."

"Ahhh, dat's nothin'," said an Irishman, "back home in my favourite pub, the moment you set foot in the place, they'll buy you a drink, then another, all the drinks you like, actually. Then, when you've had enough drinks, they'll take you upstairs and see that you gets laid, all on the house!"

The Englishman and Scotsman were suspicious of the claims but the Irishman swore every word was true. "Did this actually happen to you?" they asked .

"Not meself, personally, no," admitted the Irishman, "but it did happen to me sister quite a few times."

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When a lady is pregnant,
all her friends touch the stomach and saying "congrats".
But none of them come and touch the man's penis and say,
"Good job".
Moral of the story:
Hard work is never appreciated.






No Underwear -
Makes Sense to Me!

A man came to visit his grandparents,
and he noticed his grandfather sitting on the porch
in the rocking chair wearing only a shirt,
with nothing on from the waist down.


'Grandpa, what are you doing?
Your weenie is out in the wind for everyone to see!'
he exclaimed.

The old man looked off in the distance without answering.
'Grandpa, what are you doing sitting out here
with nothing on below the waist?'
he asked again.

The old man slowly looked at him and said,
'Well....last week I sat out here
with no shirt on and I got a stiff neck.
This is your grandma's idea.'